IF YOU’RE ANYTHING LIKE ME… heaven forbid… and you added up all the time you’ve wasted on Facebook, up to and including today, you’d be ashamed to realize you could have spent that inordinate amount of time doing something much more productive… like eating, or watching TV.
Thankfully, I’ve conditioned myself to avoid most of those posts designed only to elicit clicks, like… what was your first car? Who cares… right? However, in weak moments, I occasionally peek down into a rabbit hole and find myself drawn in, for who knows why. Such a hole caught my attention the other day as it appealed to my general distrust in the perceived happiness of others. The question was… “What’s an activity you are sure most people only pretend to like?”
Seeing there were 616 comments, I figured there had to be something worthwhile, so I put down my sandwich, turned off the TV, and ventured down the hole. I was not disappointed. The comments pretty much confirmed what I’ve suspected all along. So, following is a selection of some of the more frequent entries, with publisher commentary.
(By the way, mine was a 1967 Pontiac LeMans. We called it Heddy.)
Here you go… things you are sure most people only pretend to like –
Veganism – I’ve known some vegans. My first thought is… great! More meat for the rest of us. I suppose there might be some health advantages, but for every octogenarian vegan, I can cite a senior center full of carnivores with no regrets of their well-done past. So go ahead and enjoy that faux burger. Just don’t let me catch you at the fridge in the middle of the night wolfing down leftover sausage pizza.
Marriage – One of my favorite celebrity-following pastimes is predicting when that lost in love famous couple will end up slinging mud in divorce court. Or when the ‘til death do us part’ twenty-somethings, the ones with the destination wedding, realize that date night and laundry day are two very different things. Even though it sounded like a good idea at the time, half of all marriages still end in divorce. So smile for the camera. Your marriage might be over, but photos are forever.
Jogging – This one showed up quite a few times on the list. So I’m not the only one who wonders… why? There are so many better forms of transportation, not the least of which is a car. I guess people do it to try to stay in shape, but unless you keep it up forever, you’ll end up in the same shape as those who’ve never laced up a tenny. And unless you’re actually jogging to someplace… like a restaurant, what’s the point? Without a well-defined destination, you’ll just find yourself right back where you started.
Pregnancy – I’ve heard women say… “I loved being pregnant.” Really? Which part did you like best, the swollen ankles or the hemorrhoids? The out-of-control appetite or the untimely flatulence? And when it’s over? Stretch marks. Sure, you brought a life into the world, but at what cost? I ask you… at what cost?
Family Gatherings – I get it. Blood is thicker than water. Family first and all that. Bla, bla, bla. But, given the choice, would you choose those same people to be your family members? Or would you rather pick from your group of friends… those people you’ve actually decided to share your life with? Family gatherings are great, for the first few minutes, until you realize… I don’t have that much in common with these people. I hope I brought enough beer.
Saunas – The sauna… or ‘sow-na,’ as know-it-alls are quick to point out, was popularized in northern climes, prior to the invention of the television. I think it had something to do with getting naked and hoping someone of the opposite sex would join in. I could be wrong. Apparently there are some health benefits, but, like jogging, are they really worth the trouble? You wanna sweat? Move to Oklahoma.
Camping – Full disclosure… I like camping. Just let me know when everything’s set up, and I’ll be there. I’ll even bring the hot dogs. But just so you know, I’ll be going home to shower, and as long as I’m there, I might as well stay. I’ll see you tomorrow.
NASCAR – I’m a little torn about this one. I became a fan during the pandemic, when NASCAR was one of the first “sports” to return. But, truth be told, watching cars go around an oval track for 500 miles can be somewhat tedious. I’ll set my alarm to come back in about three hours for the chaotic race to the finish. I should acknowledge however, if you’re actually at the event, it’s not much better.
Gardening – Ah yes… hands in the soil, bringing seeds to life and using God’s green earth to provide for yourself and your family, with zucchini. If urban gardeners actually did the math and figured out what it costs to grow that bucket of cherry tomatoes, they’d think our grocery prices aren’t so high after all. If you’re just trying to get out of the house for while, why not go for a walk? I’ve seen people doing that, and they seem happy.
Skydiving – I’ve never skydived, or is it skydove? And I’m not likely to anytime soon. When the best thing you can say about something is, ‘I survived,’ then I think there are better ways to spend your time and money. If you ever see me skydiving, just know, I was pushed out of a plane.
So… how’d you like that rabbit hole?
Not my Birth Day
Today is not the day of my birth. That was a long time ago. It is, however, the Anniversary of the Day of my Birth… the 10th of October.
Me, Brett Favre, David Lee Roth, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. will all be celebrating another trip around the sun. I have a call in to each of them. Just waiting to hear back.