YOU’RE PROBABLY FAMILIAR with the melody… it’s the theme song from M*A*S*H. But the words may have escaped you. The title of the song is Suicide is Painless. The song’s words however, like how we try to understand suicide, don’t provide many answers. “Suicide is painless. It brings on many changes. And I can take or leave it if I please.”
The only real truth is that it brings on many changes, and none of them are painless.
September is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month. Unlike many personal tragedies, like being the innocent victim of a car accident, or developing cancer… suicide is preventable. And that’s what this “awareness” month is all about.
Full disclosure… I would much rather be writing about the reopening of Jeffrey’s Restaurant, or the new and improved Dig’s City Beach, or the excitement surrounding the colorful Kid’s Cove Playground at Mattson Park… but sadly, I’m writing about suicide, a subject of which I’m not an expert, and have no close family experience.
Few of us have gone untouched by suicide and its residual scars. Even if your family has been spared from the pain of a loved one taking their own life, you’ve probably been touched by it affecting a friend or acquaintance.
People You Know
Public figures, and others with names we’re familiar with, come to mind. John Kivela saw only one way out of his battle with alcoholism. Congressman Bart Stupak’s son Bart Jr., a few years ago, as well as Daniel Olson, son of Jeff and Sally Olson, are two suicides that most of us struggled to accept. Young men with seemingly bright futures deciding they couldn’t go on. Why?
And of course there’s the recent case of young Jordan DeMay, who, after being caught in an internet web of extortion, decided to take his own life rather than face what he thought to be insurmountable consequences.
Which brings us back to Suicide Prevention Month. Suicide remains a worldwide public health crisis. According to the Center for Disease Control, suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the United States and one of only three causes of death that are on the rise.
Michigan’s Henry Ford Behavioral Health is addressing the issue with a program called Zero Suicide. By identifying causes and potential treatment, they hope to drastically reduce and ultimately prevent suicide deaths.
A Personal Story
One mother I spoke with, who preferred to remain anonymous, lost her son to suicide when he was just 21 years old. He played football, and because of that, his mother suspects CTE (Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy) may have played a part in his actions, though there was no indication he was in serious trouble. “At the time, he seemed to be handling life issues and did not appear depressed.” But, she says, “The hospital system was not set up to help suicidal patients at the time my son passed away. However, if we had the Henry Ford Health Zero Suicide information, I would have followed it.”
Though this young man had been seeing his physician regularly, signs were still missed. His mother says concerned family members should make sure their practitioner is trained on suicide prevention through MI MIND.
Those who take their own lives end their own pain. But suicide is anything but painless for the survivors who live everyday wondering why, and could anything have been done. This mother shares what many survivors experience. “We are so very grateful for the gift of our son and the years we had together. The stigma of suicide makes the grief more complicated.”
There Is Help
Henry Ford Health is just one example of the many agencies working to prevent suicide. Locally, the Marquette County Suicide Prevention Alliance offers help to those considering suicide and those affected by it. Next Saturday, the 21st, is their annual Marquette County Walk for Hope, in Ishpeming. The walk is intended to honor those lost to suicide and promote hope for those who are struggling. For more information about that event, visit their website here.
There’s also a Suicide and Crisis Lifeline for anyone experiencing behavioral health-related distress. Calls to the hotline number… 988, are free and confidential.
Jeff Olson’s outreach efforts are well-known through his many informational presentations to school students since his son passed. The Olson family is also behind the film, “Do It For Daniel,” a documentary about Daniel’s struggle with depression and anxiety, combined with a message of hope.
Another Mother’s Story
Mindey Talus lost her daughter Olivia while she was in high school, in 2012. Though school years are supposed to be fun and carefree, many young people feel the pressure that comes with expected achievement.
“Olivia was a very strong and independent young woman.” says Mindey. “BUT, she felt the stress of school to do well, to exceed and take the hardest classes, to get into the best schools, the basic emotional life of a teenager… high expectations of society and of having to always do everything well. In the last year of school I saw the pressure and I’m sure it was overwhelming.”
Olivia was also on pain meds after having her wisdom teeth taken out, and Mindey wonders if that was a factor. “There were signs of sleeping more, not doing the typical things she did each day and excessive irritability that was uncommon for her. I did just feel it was the pain she was in but those are also signs I should have been more aware of.”
The Aftermath
Suicide ends a life, but that’s all it ends. There are many pieces to be picked up, both physical and emotional. Six Feet Over is a national organization that helps families deal with the very real issues they face when they lose a loved one to suicide.
Dave Aro works with Six Feet Over locally and helps administer their family assistance program called “Lemon Aid.” According to Aro, “Lemon Aid takes care of whatever families need, clean-up, body disposition, information and referral for trauma / grief. Once they get the invoices for whatever cost money, they send them to the Community Foundation of Marquette County for reimbursement.”
The program is considered “postvention” as it’s for suicide loss survivors. In our personal grief, we don’t often think about the aftermath. Lemon Aid takes that burden off the hands of those left behind so they may begin to heal without complicated and painful distractions.
Moving On
How does a parent like Mindey deal with their child’s suicide? “Life does go on, but you have to find a ‘new normal’ and that takes time. I do try to always think of the positive things she did with her life and how she changed the lives of so many when she was alive.”
“I cry. I feel that deep emotion and own it, rather than bury it. I also know that I am supposed to be sad sometimes and it means I love her deeply. So, it’s okay to have those feelings, but I remember there are so many people worse off than me and I need to look for the positives in my life.”
Full disclosure… Mindey’s not the only one who cries.
More Lyrics
From Rare Earth…
“I put my faith in the people, but the people let me down.
So, I turned the other way, and I carry on.
That’s why I’m telling you…
I just want to celebrate another day of living.
I just want to celebrate another day of life.”
Can all suicides be prevented? No more than all deaths by car accidents or cancer. But one suicide prevented is another day of life.