Right off the top, let me make clear that I am not an official movie reviewer. I didn’t attend film school, I haven’t spent countless hours analyzing movies and the history of the medium, and I have only a cursory understanding of “method” acting.
I have, however, gone to movies occasionally at the local cineplex, and I’ve eaten a lot of popcorn.
So, with my credentials out of the way, let me begin my review of “The Artist” which has enraptured the movie world and has been nominated for 10 Oscars including “Best Picture.”
It’s boring, it’s tedious, it’s a waste of money.
All told, during the 90 minute film, I yawned seven times, checked my watch twice and nodded off once.
I know, I know. I’m a Philistine, I’m superficial, I have no appreciation of the arts. I should have gone to “Rambo: 14” instead.
Okay, just withhold your judgment for a few more moments and let me continue with my review.
The story: A silent movie star in the late 1920s and early 1930s has trouble adjusting to the new age of “talkie” films. Meantime, an extra in one of his last silent films, a charming young ingenue, becomes a star in the “talkies.” They’re kind of in love, but because of his professional failure, the old time star becomes depressed, even suicidal. The ingenue rescues him, and in the end, with big grins on their faces, they dance together in a “talkie.” The end.
As my companion at the movie mentioned, the story’s “kind of cute.”
I’ll grant you that. And I’ll grant you that it’s a wonderful homage to the old medium.
But seriously, 10 Oscar nominations? For what? Best old-timey music? Best old-font dialogue written on the screen? Best slightly sped-up action on the screen? Best use of the colors black and white? Best over-emoting?
I don’t get it, but as I established earlier in this review, I’m not very smart.
And neither, I suspect, are you. At the Saturday showing of “The Artist” that I attended last weekend, there were three other people in the audience. Three.
But to be fair, I think I was the only one who actually nodded off.